Meet Cameron

I was originally going to make this post about something completely different but then I realized that not everyone necessarily knows about my son, Cameron. So I figured it was best to start from the very beginning.

Cameron is my almost 5 year old son. He turns 5 in about 2 weeks actually! My pregnancy with Cameron was really hard. I had a condition that caused too my fluid in my stomach and made me huuuuuge. I'm talking measuring over 43 weeks at like 30 weeks huge. Pregnancies are full term at 40 weeks just for reference. 

My midwife and I had an amazing plan in place for his birth. Best case scenario, I have him naturally. Haha, that was literally it. He had so much room in my belly that he was swimming around in there so he would go from breech to not breech in no time. Worst case scenario was an emergency c-section and she explained to me what that would look like. 

It was all bad from the beginning. Like from the very beginning. I'm talking getting in the bed and getting an IV beginning. It took them 5 times to get my IV in, I should have taken that as the first sign as to how things were going to go. Then I was told my midwife didn't get cleared in time to be at my birth so the doctor would be there instead. Second sign. So, the doctor came in felt my stomach, left, came back and broke my water. But the thing is, she was supposed to check with an ultrasound first to make sure he was in the right position. So when she broke my water, he wasn't where he was supposed to be and things changed so fast.

She looked at me and got really really serious and said, "remember when I told you what would happen if he wasn't in the right position? Well, he isn't. So things are going to start to happen really fast right now and I need you to stay calm". And what she had told me was going to happen, did. The room filled with a bunch of doctors and nurses and one jumped up on the table and was pushing my stomach upward so the. baby would clamp down on the umbilical cord and cut off all his oxygen. I started crying and another nurse came over and said, "I know it's really scary right now, but I need to try not to cry and deep really deep breaths through this oxygen mask. You need to get as much oxygen as you can to your baby". That made me want to cry even more but I held it together as best I could. 

Next thing I know we're running to the operating room. I had just gotten an epidural but it hadn't kicked in yet so the anesthesiologist kept poking my stomach asking if I could feel anything. I could feel it all. His eyes got wide and I remember clear as day, he looked at the doctor trying to say in a calm voice, I say trying because I could tell he was worried, and said, "she can feel everything. She isn't number yet". Then the doctor said, "we have to start anyway, we can't wait". So now I'm like really freaking out inside. Still trying not to cry. My husband wasn't even allowed in yet so I was by myself, the anesthesiologist starts giving me morphine and asking me if I'm okay and at this point I'm just trying to stay awake. Still feeling everything, getting more morphine. Feeling the cutting and pulling but then I hear my baby cry.

I just felt my whole body let go after that. Like I was holding it together just to get him out and I'm out of it. I can hear the anesthesiologist telling me to stay awake, you have to stay awake! Don't fall asleep, just stay here. And I'm so loopy and just want to go to sleep so bad. My baby is safe and I don't want to hold on because it's too hard. My husband is looking at me terrified and the anesthesiologist looks at me and his eyes go wide and he says, "she is turning really pale, she's not doing very well" while still telling me to stay awake. My husband bends down and asks me if I'm okay and I can't even form words. They bring the baby around by my head and try to give him to me and all I can do is shake my head no. I couldn't hold him. I knew I couldn't.

So they give the baby to my husband and make him leave the room. I've never had a C-section so I have no idea what's going on. I just want to sleep so bad. It's taking so long. I keep asking myself why it's taking so long, meanwhile different nurses are coming up to me asking me if I'm okay. I finally shake my head no and machine starts beeping. I didn't know this until later but my blood pressure was dropping too low. I was losing too much blood and need an infusion. I'm glad I didn't know at the time, I think it would have been worse for me to know in that moment just how serious it was. 

I get all stitched up and go back to the room and my husband has Cameron and he's so little and perfect. They have to place pillows all around me because I'm too weak to hold him but I want to nurse so bad but because of all the drugs, he won't latch and I can't do what I'm supposed to so they give a bottle to Will to feed him. 

Recovery was hard. I had my kids and mom come visit and could barely stay awake. They said they I lost so much blood and wanted to give me another infusion. The next day I felt much better but at home Cameron was so little and not latching right. I had read a story about a lady that lost her baby for the same reason, she didn't realize how undernourished her baby was and how little milk was coming out during nursing and she lost her baby. After my whole ordeal I was so afraid of something else happening so I switched to formula. 

Come to find out, Cameron's oxygen was cut off. I don't know for how long. I don't know if it caused any damage, or the extent of anything. I only knew it happened because I requested the records months after his birth. 

Cameron progressed normally for his first year. Hitting all his milestones, saying words, all of it. The he started regressing, fast. By 18 months he wasn't talking anymore and he was stimming, a lot. He was diagnosed with severe, nonverbal autism. It's been a really long journey and I'll have a lot to share about him but that's... the foundation of his story.